Saturday, January 14, 2017

What's Up, Doc?

 A super-quick recap - in the fall of 2014, a routine mammogram turned up some "iffy" areas. Several more tests and three biopsies later, I spent Christmas of 2014 in the talented hands of skilled surgeons and then in a medically-indicated tube top to hold everything together. (Painkillers and the holidays. It ought to be a country song.) The first part of 2015 was spent having post-surgical radiation and the resulting fatigue kept me pretty much sidelined. 2016 was all about getting back to a "new normal," and now we're here.

I just had my most recent check-up and the report is a good one. My scars are barely noticeable, I don't have pain (although fatigue is still an occasional issue) and they've decided to scale back my check ups to every six months, rather than every three. This is awesome news, indeed! Oh, I'm still dealing with side effects from Tamoxifen, a drug I'm on for another three-plus years and we talked about some methods to handle that. Uptown Yoga Loft will be seeing me, as both yoga and acupuncture have been prescribed to me. (In fact, I just left this post to make my first acupuncture appointment - cross your fingers for me on Wednesday the 18th!)

However, there is one area that simply has to be addressed. While my doctor did not lecture me, nor did she wag her finger in my face, well - sigh. Overall weight and fitness must be tended to, thyroid notwithstanding. I'm surprisingly okay with that. I'm doing well with my dedication to self-care (I really do encourage you to jump into the 31-Day Self Love Writing Challenge), and I promise to not do anything totally stupid like eat only cabbage soup for three straight weeks.

But I won't kid you, either. I want fast results and I know that doesn't work. So it's slow plodding for me. Cut out the junk food (bye, Goobers!), more water every day, and yes - even in the gray of winter, it's time to exercise. I have to remember that losing a couple of pounds a month is perfectly fine. This is going to be hard. Very, very hard. I think this will go better with a goal in mind, so here goes - by the end of 2017, I will complete a 10K. I might walk a big ol' chunk of it, but the Dancing Sloth is on the comeback trail!

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Hi, Ho, Here We Go!

New Year's Lights!
As I said on Christmas Eve, I'm bypassing most of the resolution aspect of the New Year. Instead, I've chosen one overarching goal for this trip around the sun - I want to be kind and find delight in my days. Not only do I think it's a worthy aim, I'm pretty sure it's a tall enough order to suffice for the entire year. But hey - I've already started!

I've seen this a number of times in my life - once I commit to a certain course of action, odd things begin to happen. I run into someone at the coffee shop who has some piece of information I need, or a student mentions something that triggers a cascade of thoughts, a chance comment overheard in the lobby of the movie theater ultimately leads to a brainstorm that boosts me over a creative dry spell, or someone here in Cyber-Land posts a link that directs me to exactly what I didn't know I needed. What I'm fumbling here to say is that there's much to be said for committing to an outcome and then being open to what the Universe is trying to give you.

In my case, just after Christmas, a friend sent me a link to a very interesting experiment. The idea is that each day for one month, I'll receive an e-mail writing prompt and that I'm supposed to set aside a few minutes each day to thoughtfully answer the prompt. I can share my responses or keep them private, as I wish. This particular one-month writing is all about self-care and breaking the hold negative thoughts have on my headspace and, five days in, I can report that it's incredibly refreshing! It's a wonderful, supportive community and, if you think you could benefit from it, please use this link to check them out! Start whenever you want and skip prompts that don't "work" for you. This is, I think, one of the most important lessons to take from the activity - it doesn't have to be perfect.

I know her all too well . . .
On that note, I'm also working on a simplified "bullet journal" to keep track of actions that I hope will lead to concrete habits. I've been keeping a brief journal since September, but only this week have I adopted more of a bullet journal style. Some of these bullet journals that I've seen (especially on Pinterest, which is both great and greatly to be feared) are magnificent, but they can also be intimidating. While I want to take a few minutes every night to reflect and play with colored pencils, I know that I can all too easily fall into the "perfectionist trap," so I can't compare mine to anybody else's. I will admit that I really enjoy doodling a little picture to go with each day. I don't draw particularly well, but it's relaxing to just moodle around with things without it having to be perfect.

Last bit for this post - one of my "actions that I hope will become a habit" is really making a conscious effort every single day to treat myself better. In order to do this, and knowing that I have to be accountable to the journal at the end of the day, I'm constantly on the lookout for ways to bring little luxuries into my everyday life. Yesterday, for example, I made a real effort to dress up for work - jaunty scarf, high heels (with super-comfortable slippers under the desk!), a discreet puff of my "good" perfume, red lipstick - very French. You get the idea. And I certainly had a sense of confidence that day due to my experiment in "dressing up." Then today, I definitely dressed down, since I had to take Spooky to the vet, then go to work, a schedule that certainly dictated some of my wardrobe decisions! After work, I needed to run an errand to the Clinique counter (look, FryDaddy doesn't stay that pretty without some effort!) and I took the time to have a consult with the clerk about my foundation. Together, we tried a couple of different ones and I left with a free ten-day sample. Felt like a duchess in sweatpants at that point, which is not a bad thing at all!

So that's what's up with me these days. How about you? Are you making time for yourself? Saying nice things to yourself? Tell me about it!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

More Light!

Here at the end of the year, holidays galore are celebrated. (This is the origin of the "Happy Holidays" greeting - retailers don't want to risk offending anyone with cashy money. It's not so much a "war on Christmas" as it is "please, come spend!") When you stop amid the hustle-bustle and think about it, it seems that every holiday centers around the concept of Light. This makes astronomical sense, at least for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, since we've just passed the marker of the winter solstice. Our part of the world is hunkering down for the long, dark nights of winter - perfect for reflection and pondering, but also perfect for the winter blues as our span of daylight is short.

So - Christmas lights, Hanukkah menorahs, Kwanzaa candles, Yule logs - and I'm sure there are many others at this time of year. Bring the light that we're missing from our shortened days inside to our homes and hearths, along with the scent of pine, fir, cedar, mulled cider, fresh-baked bread and sweets - seriously, no wonder we're more inclined to be a touch nicer to each other! (Side note - based on this, yes - we certainly SHOULD try harder to keep this holiday spirit all the year round!)

I'm looking forward to 2017 - some wonderful things are going to happen in this shiny new year. Oh, there will be bumps as well; that's how you know you're moving forward, but it's going to be a good, GOOD year. While I'm tempted to make resolutions galore (pretty much all the usual suspects there), I'm resisting. Well, except for one. In 2017, I want to be kind and find delight in my days. In short, I want to reflect more light.

That's it. But I think it's enough.

I'm a reader and I've collected quite a few books on self-care, decluttering, being the change you want to see in the world, creating an oasis of calm, downshifting, and so on. All have good advice in general, but it's time to get specific. What works for me? What doesn't work for me? In short, how can I put on my own oxygen mask so that I can help others with theirs? I've discovered a number of things that work, and sharing those, along with my efforts to find more, will be the focus of this blog in the next year. I hope you join me for that journey - it's going to be a fun one!

See you in the New Year and - however you celebrate, may this final week of 2016 be what you most delight in!

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

My "Get Up & Go"

As the old saying goes, "My 'get up and go' has 'got up and went.'" This fall has been difficult - my energy level has been in the basement. This low-level, lasting fatigue I've been experiencing actually goes back further than just this fall and, when I look at that, I realize how often I've been making excuses for not feeling up to going out, or needing to crash as soon as I got home from work. It's been a long week at work, it's been just so sticky-hot, FryDaddy and I were swamped with finishing up the book draft, then . . .

Well, you get the idea.

I've been feeling this way for so long that I had just decided that it was part of the post-cancer treatment "new normal." You know, like my choosing the sloth as my personal mascot was just one of those things. (And I still loves me some sloths!)

But then last week, I had my regular physical exam with my doctor. I'm pleased to report that most things look shipshape. However, my bloodwork (vampires, I tell you. Vampires.) indicated that my thyroid gland isn't doing what it's designed to do, which is -- well, an awful lot. This little butterfly-looking gland in your throat is responsible for releasing hormones that regulate everything from metabolism and energy levels to breathing and heart rate. Low thyroid function can result in a laundry list of symptoms including sensitivity to cold, low energy, difficulty losing weight, joint pain, fatigue, trouble sleeping, and depression.

See, I could rationalize all of these symptoms. I've always been one of the "cold people" who are fine with fall crispness, but keep a blanket in the car. Plus, the tamoxifen I'm on for the next several years has certainly played merry hell with that equilibrium. The low energy, well, lingering fatigue from the radiation treatment. Difficulty losing weight? Well, I'm not blowing out fewer candles on my birthday cakes and I love sweets a bit too much. Joint pain? I had taken up jobbling and see above re: birthday candles. Fatigue and trouble sleeping? Just age. Depression? Well, not so much deep-seated depression, but I've had the blues (pretty much in the navy saturation range), and you would to, with all this other stuff going on.

Fortunately, this condition is easily treatable with medication, although it may take a few months to figure out the precise dosage. I've only been taking medicine for my weakened butterfly gland for about a week, so it's too soon to tell much. However, just knowing that the way I've been feeling has an actual cause is enough to make me feel like celebrating. (And then taking a nap.)

All of this is to say - if you haven't had a physical in more than a year, call today! Let them take a good look at you and see what's up. Hypothyroid function runs in my family, and I still didn't think about it. (Click here for a basic overview of symptoms that I ignored.) So really - I urge you, if you're not feeling quite like yourself, even if you can't put your finger on it, let the docs at least take a crack at it. Not everything is simple, of course, but you deserve better than feeling as if life is beige drudgery.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Of Endings and Beginnings

It's been longer than I meant for it to be since my last post, but the last six weeks have been full of revelations, epiphanies, planning, and unexpected good-byes, so correspondence slipped to the bottom of my list. (Along with housework, but that's another tale for another time, yes?)

I won't try to sum it all up. Instead, just let me say this - sometimes you have to go away and spend time with people who care very deeply for you and who know you well enough to allow you to just be so that some wisdom can seep in the cracked places. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the new information I have gained and I'm trying to be more intentional in my living. Hence, I'm starting to play with a simple "bullet journal." It's very easy for someone like me to get overwhelmed at all the "ooh, way cool!" versions out there (see the picture at the top of the post, for instance), so I'm trying to remind myself to keep things simple. As a costume designer once told me when I asked about a tan splash on one of her intricate renderings, "It's coffee. This is a tool to be used; it's not art." We'll have to see where this goes, but I'm looking forward to taking a few minutes at the beginning and end of each day to reflect and ground myself. It's far too easy to mistake work for Work, you know.

Further, in the time since my last post, I've attended two funerals and, although I was glad to see some not-often-seen friends, I've had quite enough of that sort of thing for a while. Death is, of course, a part of life, but it's a crummy, lousy, stink-like-three-day-old-fish part and I've had it up to HERE with it! While others may turn to the classical poets to attempt to make sense of the senseless, I am a simpler type and I think Jimmy Buffett said it as well as any of us:

Alone on a midnight passage
I can count the falling stars
While the southern cross and the satellites
They remind me of where we are
Spinning around in circles
Living it day to day
And still twenty four hours maybe sixty good years
It's really not that long a stay.

So let us be good to one another when we meet along the way.

Peace to you.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Look to the West!

After a few weeks that have been more hectic than I would really like (work deadlines to prep new classes for fall, combined with book deadlines make me into a Grumpagus sometimes), FryDaddy and I are about to leave it all behind for a few days.

It took some scheming and steely resolve to leave work behind (that was helped out by a very kind editor), but kind friends are opening their house to us out in the grand state of Utah for a badly-needed bout of R&R. Never having been to Utah, I wanted to discover what I might run into, especially after our host casually mentioned that we might be seeing something called "mutton busting" which seems to involve putting small children onto hyperactive sheep.

Exhibit A:

So - what have I learned about Utah? Well, according to this site, Utah -

1. Has coal as the state rock. Seriously.
2. Has the highest literacy rate in the country.
3. Also has the highest rate of online porn subscriptions in the country. (Look, I just report the news.)
4. Is home to the nation's leading manufacturer of rubber chickens.
5. About 2/3 of Utah's land is Federally-owned.
6. Polygamy is definitely not legal. "Sister-wives" were outlawed as a condition of statehood back in 1890.
7. Is nicknamed "the Crossroads of the West."
8. Residents of Utah get married younger overall than residents anywhere else in the US (it's not child marriage, either - 24.1 for brides, 26.2 for grooms).
9. It's illegal to hire trombone players to play in the public streets for the purpose of advertising an auction, so don't try it.
10. It's also illegal to hunt whales, although you'd think that wouldn't be necessary, being a landlocked state.

And perhaps most importantly, it ain't here, which makes it wonderful for a break! I hope to see some of the rugged beauty of the state and spend the majority of one day just nosing around a bookstore or two.

See you soon!

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Après une année . . .

 Just about a year ago, I started my efforts to "go French." I've been posting about it since then, usually about once a month and please - feel free to go back through the archive and review my journey (and struggles!). This blog is equipped with a search feature over on the right - just type in "French" and you'll find all the posts.

So what's happened since then? I'm pleased to report that the answer is, "Mostly good things" and a slew of unexpected things, thanks mostly to wonderful people like you who have read the posts and encouraged me in a hundred ways.

I'm about a third of the way through a basic French language course, taught through an app. I've attended a couple of "French table" get-togethers here in town, although I'm still dreadfully shy about speaking the language. I've cleared out much of my wardrobe (although I still have far too many pieces - have to keep on that) and started putting together a smaller group of classic pieces. I've made a conscious effort to add luxuries to my everyday life, whether that be using a glass pitcher for my office water and adding limes to it or taking dance lessons with my much-beloved FryDaddy (one-and-two, three-and-four, five, six). I'm more likely to take better care of my skin and take time for the simple therapy of a hot bath. I've learned a bit about scarves and have tried new foods. (Still have a taste for embarrassing quantities of cheap drugstore candy when the chips are down, though.) I have a chaise!

Like any fundamental shift, it hasn't been a smooth trajectory. I've had a number of "course corrections" throughout the last year. For example, right now, a host of deadlines are threatening to overwhelm me. Prior to last year, Standard Operating Procedure would have been to flail about and put myself last on the list. (Who am I kidding? I wouldn't have made it to the list!) Now, it's different. I am far more likely to take a few minutes to get my desk organized before leaving work so I have the next day's work already cut out. I've found this greatly assists me in maintaining a more serene attitude. I have to fight the urge to power through like a Puritan sometimes - it really is better to take a deep breath, smile a half-smile and think before plunging in like a Pomeranian with a hula hoop. (Yes, I don't get that image either. Sort of the point.) Actually, today was a course correction day. I spent ten minutes tidying up the house - you can always tell how close writing deadlines are by how cluttered I let the house get - and I dug out the bread machine. Something about fresh-baked bread always feels a little decadent.

Look - life is generally difficult for everyone you meet and it's unlikely to get easier. Politically, things are a royal mess. The pocketbook is slim and the news makes any thinking person glum. And yes - I know that much of what I'm describing sounds frivolous and even shallow.

But it's not.

There is so much to be joyful about and, to be candid, the world needs our joy and our whimsy. Don't make the mistake of confusing "whimsy" with "mania." Whimsy, which I'm trying very hard to embrace these days, has an air of playfulness about it. (Mania, on the other hand, has a sharp edge of desperation to it.) Whimsy sees the value in the fanciful; it delights in kindness and quirk - and that's serious business, for these days (sad to say), it's quirky in America to look after yourself. I firmly believe that by doing so, we have the energy, drive, and grit to demand that others be treated fairly.

As American poet Ralph Waldo Emerson so memorably stated, "There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us."

However you choose to live that quote - whether you organize protests or plant a garden, whether you raise money for your chosen cause or canvass for your candidate, whether you read to a child or needlepoint a cushion, whether you experiment with a new recipe or dig out the sprinkler to spend a late afternoon playing with your kids instead of preparing that quarterly report - go forth and scatter joy. Regardless of whether you consider that American or French, few enough people are doing it these days - and we could all use more of it.